Blessed

I am so blessed in so many ways!  Too many to even begin to count.  The Lord has truly surrounded me with godly people and I am grateful.  I am thankful for their help and their prayers.  I am thankful that He has healed my family and myself and made us whole and well.  He continually provides for and takes care of all that He has so generously given us, right down to our cars, our cats and all things we are blessed with both big and small.  I believe the rest of my years will be the best of my years!  Amen.

Hurricane Irene

I have never been one to worry about the weather too much.  In fact there have been major catastrophes across the nations; both near and far that I am sure have passed by me unnoticed.  If my body trembled and the earth shook I probably assumed it to be the result of a lot of meth amphetamines and endless days without sleep, which by no means was any kind of catastrophe to me but indeed the desired effect!  But now being clean and spending way too much time in front of the T.V. I am much more aware of what goes on in the world around me. Our latest catastrophe is this Hurricane Irene, which they have claimed to be the big one of the century.  I guess it threatens to wipe out the whole eastern seaboard, devastating at least seven states.  I believe these events are totally God’s will as predicted in the Bible but I also believe that He wants to hear our prayers and to know that we care.  I know that prayer may not stop these things as they are the signs of the time but He hears and the power of prayer is mighty.  Through faith and prayer maybe the awfulness of His awesome wrath is determined?  I have prayed much and sincerely for the winds to subside and for His mercy to be upon those in the path of destruction.

  I overheard parts of the news this morning and from what I understood, the winds had somewhat subsided and Irene was not as powerful as they had previously feared and so far the amount of damage done has been less than predicted.  Now, I realize that there must be millions praying for this situation and that God hears us all but do I think that the outcome would be the same if it were only me?  For some reason I kinda do!

Remember, the faith of a mustard seed?!

Blood of Jesus

I release my faith for the blood of Jesus Christ.  The life is in the blood; it will cleanse you and protect you from the things that can harm you.  Release it upon your body, your homes, your cars and your children; release it upon your pets and all that you have!!!  AMEN and AMEN (so be it.)

Writing Poems

This is another poem from Susanville Prison from someone I know very well.

Writing poems is like straddling a fence...
It's hard to balance rhyming and making perfect sense...
Poems are not just to express how we feel, they are also to percieve what we think is real.
Whether keeping it together or living a lie, writing poems is a release that helps us get by.
I want to sit and write a special poem for you...
But until then I hope this one will do.

Dale
2011

Words

I heard these words a while ago this morning, “There is freedom in the shelter of the Word “I don’t know if this is a common phrase, if I heard it in a song or if it just came into my mind but it keeps repeating itself in my head.  I love it and it also reminds me how powerful words are and can be in our lives, which also reminds me of how easily we sometimes forget these things.  Lately I have heard myself say over and over again how broke I am.  Well of course I am, I know about the power of words!  So right now I am taking back and rebuking each and every time that I have said this.  I repent and ask forgiveness for I am rich beyond reason.  Thank You Lord for Your direction and provision, Amen and amen!!!  

My Job

Prayer is a privilege but it is also a job God has given to everyone.  I take my job seriously and do it well.  I seek Him desperately and for some reason He chooses to listen to this poor crazy girl living up in the foothills of nowhere.  I know He hears me because I pray for the sick and the needy around me and He heels them.

Thank You God that You are mighty and You are with me.  Jeremiah 20; 11

Walk

Broke,broke,broke !!!  The brokest I’ve been in a year.  I get paid soon but til then I have only about fifty pennies and an organic pop tart.  But this is O.K., I am excited, I have been obedient to God and He always takes care of me.  I have been much broker before, with no check in the future and not only financially broke but spiritually broke.  God always took care of me even then so how much more exciting is it to see what He will do now that I walk with Him. He always wants to walk with us, we need to just let Him and participate by walking also with Him.

Thank You

Saw a lady on the street corner the other day, she was holding a sign that said, “WIDOW/HUNGRY,” I passed her by knowing I only had twelve dollars.  I circled around the block, pulled up close to her and handed her ten and as our hands touched we looked into each other’s eyes at the same time and we both said simultaneously, “God bless you.”  I know we have to be weary in these situations but I believe God has blessed me with good discernment plus I may never have held a sign but I have lived on the street.  I might be totally broke financially but am extremely rich spiritually which allows me to afford to cheerfully and gratefully give whenever I am blessed with the opportunity.  Thank You God for taking care of my direction and provision.

Susie Q's Ashes

A lot of my blogs are not currant and have been waiting in my documents to get here and obviously this is one of them. 
Got internet access at home yesterday, now I can start blogging on my blog site but yet here I still am.  Not feeling that secure about it yet.  After church rode with Jeremy up to Five Mile Creek to meet others to spread Susie Q’s ashes.  Some were drinkin, some were tweekin and some were clean.  It was a beautiful day and a beautiful spot, one of Susie’s favorites.  It was the first time that I had been up Big Hill since I came down and got clean.  It is never that easy for me to be around people from a long time ago, hell it’s not that easy for me to be around people from now.  I don’t seem to fit anywhere.  Straight people are too straight and people that aren’t straight I can’t hang out with anymore.  There are others like me but sometimes far and few in between.  God is my focus and anything else is a distraction.  Someone offered me some dope; I was confused for a moment but revived.  I always say that if someone put it in front of me I don’t know what I would do, thank God they just said the words and I didn’t have to see it. 

Tuesday Morning Prayer Meeting

Just got home from theTuesday morning prayer meeting a little while ago.  I am so glad I made the decision to start going.  It really is an uplifting pleasure and privilege to join with others in the lifting of those in need, most of whom are strangers to me.  Also since I am not all that social of a person this is a great time for me to be able to glorify God outloud as a witness.
I just want to thank You God for allowing me the opportunities You present before me, Amen.

The Three Year Summer

The Three Year Summer

A few years back and then some my boyfriend, dog and myself lived up on Big Hill.  Somewhere in the beginning of summer my boyfriend had lost his job and my unemployment had run out.  Our lives suddenly took a turn for the worst and life became very depressing.  About that time coincidentally a couple of old friends of mine had been recently released from two different prisons.  Somehow they had connected, both being on the street.  They would occasionally stop by, I knew they were bad news but what are ya gonna do, after all they are old “friends?”  They both were a little older than my boyfriend, had been around the block a few more times and were both slammers.  My boyfriend and I had been together for a long time and I knew that when it came to doing dope he could smoke or do lines but when it came to slamming he seemed to lose his mind, as is the case with not all but many.  My boyfriend and both of them seemed to hit it off from the beginning, they were coming around more and I was seeing him less.  I was familiar with this road and could see what was coming, once that needle went in his arm life as we knew it was at least temporarily over.

  So now it’s me and my dog in an old banged-out trailer away from everyone on top of Big Hill.  Summer is just starting, it’s about 9000 degrees, the swamp cooler doesn’t seem to be working right and the car is in the driveway out of gas.  And so begins the three year summer.

H-E-DOUBLE-ELL...

This poem was written in Susanville Prison by someone I know very well.

H-E-DOUBLE-ELL...  Is a place we know so well... 
Whether locked up or on the streets, in our soul is where Hell's heart beats...
Born an angel but fallen from grace, in a cold dark lonely place...
Amid a body of we don't care, is a mind full of despair...
A tortured soul trapped within, not knowing how or where to begin...
To be free of this prison that is in our mind, not a wall that we are kept behind...
H-E-DOUBLE-ELL...  Let the gate be the bell...
as the bell rings away, free our souls hope to stay.

Dale
2011

Trans Am

 Trans Am.       Once upon a time at a party long ago, somewhere between Silt, Colorado and Grand Junction we ran out of beer.  It was about 2:00 A.M. and the liquor stores were all closed.  There was a guy there with a really nice car that I was sure was very fast.  I did have my own car there but just wanted to drive his, so I decided to volunteer to make a beer run.  The others not realizing the time all agreed that a beer run was definitely a good idea.  I said to the guy, “hey, why don’t you let me take your car”.  After all, I was leaving my car there, along with the friends that I had brought with me.  He was like ,”alright”, I think realizing that he himself had, had a little bit too much to drink to be out driving around late at night.  I invited a friend to go along with me and off we went.  The liquor store was closed but I just wanted to drive the car and it was very fast.  There really was nowhere to go but how could we return without any beer?  I know, Utah isn’t that far away, maybe we can get beer there.  We’ll just drive really fast so maybe we won’t be gone too long.  They may be mad at first but when they get something more to drink they will get over it.  Anyway, Utah was a lot further than we realized.  Somewhere in between the two states I got a ticket.  The cop gave me a break and cited me for going 90 miles an hour when actually it was closer to 120.  When we finally came to a town there were liquor stores but none were open.  Who would know that in Utah  they don’t sell liquor on Sunday?  Gotta get beer, can’t go back without it!  So, on to Wyoming we go.  By now we are tired, out of speed and still no beer.  What are we going to do?  It’s been a couple of days and by now the party back home is long over and everyone has gone home, except for the owner of the Trans Am.  I don’t even think I left him my keys.  We needed to come up with a plan, although I do not think the plan had anything to do with returning the car just yet.  Before we could even possibly do anything like that we would have to get a hold of some  more speed so we would have the energy to do anything.  Anyway, long story short, my friend got arrested, the car got impounded and I had to buy plane tickets so that the original owner could retrieve his car.  I skipped a lot of crazy detail but maybe next time.

Free

I had been praying for a miracle and there I was strung- out and broken, in jail again in a cell behind locked doors.  I had wanted to completely turn my life over to the Lord but did not want to have to give up the meth.  But now here where there was none I said, “take me Lord, my life is Yours to do with as you please”.  He unlocked the door to His kingdom and set me free.

Transitioning

I feel like I am transitioning into a new phase of cleanness.  Ya think?! It’s only been a little over four and a half years!!!  But I’ve noticed recently that not all my dreams are drug related.  I am also sleeping better, instead of waking up four or five times a night I am only waking up two or three.  It is a slow process but I am like a child growing up in a whole new world, I am re-made.

Re-made

I used to have a vision of myself living up on a hill in a nice little house all free and clear of everyone else, having an endless supply of excellent dope, being able to putter around my little house and yard and coming and going as I pleased.  Well once when I had completed a twelve month drug court ordeal my little vision had somewhat come true.  I did get my little house on the hill but it was on Big Hill and my little house was not a house but a mobile home.  Actually though it was nice enough and I had a beautiful little yard with a lawn and trees and flowers.  Since I had just graduated from Drug Court I of course was on probation but had done well and was not being watched.  I had a car and a valid driver’s license and could come and go as I pleased.  I had a great connection and a part time job; I had very little traffic and only dealt with a handful of working class people and the ones that weren’t at least appeared to be.  Life was good!!!  Yea,finally.  Well, so much for “yea finally.”  An old friend of mine showed up from out of town with her son who had just gotten out of prison.  They had nowhere to stay and I could not turn them down.  Soon one thing led to another and I’m sure you know how the ol’ story goes.  I knew at the time that letting people in could be my doom but what are ya gonna do?  Eventually it was like a big giant wave of misery rose up, seemingly all the way from the valley and swept my vision away, also sweeping me away to return no more. 

No more time for details but you can imagine the rest, more misery, homelessness, jail and so on and so forth and back to square one!

Now my life is amazing because somewhere between the misery and the back to square one the old me died, but I was born again.  Thank God, I’ve been re-made!   

Glorify Him

I just came from church and my pastor, Pastor Robert, spoke of healing and the woman with the issue of blood.  For some reason I have been either reading about her or hearing her story a lot lately.  The Lord heals and wants to heal us but sometimes He allows our sickness and pain to test our obedience and faith and ultimately to glorify Him.
By all natural rights after all the years of drug addiction and disobedience I should not be well or maybe even not alive for that matter, but I cried out to the Lord and was re-made.  But even being re-made He has allowed me some ailments. 
I do have total faith in the Lord because I know first hand the miracles He does and I have been healed. But I think that the reason I keep hearing this story is to remind me that I must continue to do my part by openly glorifying Him.
So....cry out to Him, be healed, DO YOUR PART and stay well!

O Lord my God, I cried to You and You have healed me.  Psalm 30:2

The Cross

Good morning addict!  Remember when you lived in a nice house, you had a car that ran and a big bag of quality shit?  Life was good, huh?  Now you wake up in that banged-out old trailer, there is a car out there but it doesn’t run and you’ve got a bag of some cut crap that is barely enough to get you through the morning.  Life sucks.  Its summer, the days are hot and long and the swamp cooler is broken.  What are you gonna do!?  I will tell you what to do.  You may not believe or except this now but you eventually will for it is our only salvation.  In your mind try to picture God but if you think you don‘t believe or that, that is just beyond your perception at least just think about a cross.  Visualize the cross in your mind, visualize your addiction as the tangible reality that it is, including all the hardship and baggage you have accumulated, visualize all this wrapped up and put into one big package.  Now clearly in your mind visualize this, you pick up that package and carry it to that cross and lay it down at the foot of that cross, you look at it, you see it.  It once was your package of crap but now you have laid it down and given it to that cross, it belongs to that cross now and is no longer yours.  Do not try to pick it back up.  Now visualize yourself turning around and walking away.  Do not look back, just keep walking.  And if you don’t yet feel the need to say thank You that’s O.K., you will and God will wait.

For the Son of man came to seek and to save that which was lost.  Luke 19;10

Letter of Introduction

Letter of Introduction

            My educational background is very basic; it includes grammar school, junior high and 2 years of high school.  I enjoyed writing and was pretty good at it. I used to say that eventually I would have a book published. Unfortunately I was not interested in any of the technical stuff.  I know what nouns and verbs are but beyond that I am lost; although I can spell pretty well.

            I left school when I was 15 or 16.  I have had a variety of jobs here and there but never stayed in one place or with anything too long.  I have been involved with drugs and the lifestyle that goes along with that for most of my life. I received my G.E.D. in Drug Court 6 years ago. By the grace of God I have been clean now for 4 years.

            I see myself in the future as possibly doing missionary work of some sort.

Wecome and introduction

hello I was a user for most all of my life and by the grace of God I am free. In fact, I will be celebrating 5 years this month. So I am sharing some of my stories and thoughts as God leads me.